he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
