WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
