idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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