I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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