Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
