I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
