I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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