better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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