Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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