the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
