Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
