You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
