It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
