her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
