are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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