and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
