A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
