if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
