I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
