She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
