Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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