it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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