she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
