I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
my poor anus
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
