I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Drunk is a universal language darling
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
