I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
