tell your sister to shave her snatch
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
