I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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