My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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