tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
