I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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