(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
