the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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