My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
