What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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