you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
