So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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