Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
