As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
