I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Randomize
