drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize
