I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
