be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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