considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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