This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
