the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
