You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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