Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
