I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
