U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
