he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
